Quarter Life Crisis
There seems to be a Taylor Swift lyric for almost anything but this one has been hitting harder for me lately. I'm 3 months into 25 and have never felt more confused. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with my career? Will I ever be stable? These questions plus a million others keep me up at night. Half my friends are married with children and the other half are living at home and partying on the weekends and I'm confused where I fit in all of this. What do I want? I thought I knew. I've created this blog as a way to organize my thoughts and feelings and help me navigate my mid-twenties. My brain is a jumbled mess of emotion, confusion, and hormonal imbalances. I've been taking it out on the people I'm closest and I want to be better. I need an outlet. I need a plate to smash on the ground or a mountain top to scream off of. But for now, I'm going to try this.
Let me start with a life update. I'm about to start a new job and I'm excited about it... I think. It's another office job and if this one doesn't work out I give up. This is the third office job I'm trying. Third times a charm? I know I need a career, I know I need to be responsible, but on the inside I just want to stay home. Be a homemaker if you will. Is that acceptable for a woman to say in 2025? What if I actually don't want to climb the corporate latter and become a strong woman in business? It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice right now considering my boyfriend and I are both not financially stable or near the phase of marriage and children. So how do I make the best of this? How do I find happiness in the corporate machine? Wake up at 6, drive to work, get off at 5, sleep by 8, repeat. No time or energy to "fill my cup". How have adults been doing this for years?
But what does fill my cup? I don't really know anymore. I used enjoy social outings and was even known as the life of the party in college. Now that could not be further from the truth. I now enjoy cozy nights in with my boyfriend. I used to be a self- proclaimed extrovert until I heard somewhere that where you feel re-charged is what makes you an introvert or an extrovert and social gatherings certainly aren't what charges my batteries. But maybe I need to start getting out more and find the inner social butterfly that I once was. But how does anyone afford to go out all the time anymore? The second I get payed my entire check is gone from bills. Does this cycle ever end?
I know in life there are many hard truths. Hard truth #1, I know nothing will change unless I take the steps to change it. Hard truth #2, I probably need to get a second job. Hard truth #3, I need to get healthy physically to get healthy mentally. But nothings gonna happen over night so we're starting small for now. A new job, closer to home, with less stress seems like a good start. Stay tuned.
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